the big sea does not care which way the little fishes swim

and other tenets to remember

A hero is at his best each day, every day, all the time. Are you? Do you have the mental capacity to be a hero?

Are you worthy?

 

Better to be slow and accurate

 

Check after yourself

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

It is all too easy to be entertained.

  1. It is all too easy to be entertained. On the contrary, real reflection, the uncovery of stratagem and connection-making occurs when the mind is allowed to wander/fret about things while you try to sleep. Perhaps it’s true what they say about boredom and creativity.
  2. I suck. This is widely known and well-documented, but an important revelation is that I like a skill, practice and acquire it until I’m decent, and then decide to leave it there. No additional honing once I’m ‘good enough’. This is possibly why ‘dilettante’ was a bad word while it was still being spoken. Case in point: writing. Sure, I can write well enough, but do I learn the rules of grammar/enlarge my diction? I could probably throw a frisbee better than 99.999% of the population on earth, but all this means is that 7 million people are better (or, in Singapore: 5,000 better throwers). Hardly relevant.
  3. So much easier to say than to do; possibly this is why I like writing so much.
Aside | Posted on by | Leave a comment

learning something new every day

these shouldn’t even be lessons to learn any more but lessons learnt at this stage, but

 

  1. Rigour. Rigour and hard work is truly impressive and unstoppable. You cannot have too much rigour.
  2. Talk to people. They want you to. Just saying ‘hi’ and ‘good morning’ is not good enough. But they unfreeze and melt and depetrify when you do.
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

nus confessions

Once upon a time, the sin I despised the most was pride and the flaw I feared the most was complacency

Today I realised just how complacent I’ve been for ages. If I get good grades, have fun dancing and know a non-zero number of girls I’m in the black, right?

It’s easy to spot when you look back; (very gradually) slipping grades, constantly making excuses or demarcating poor performances as outliers, over-investment into distractions and a
lackadaisical ad-hoc arm’s length involvement with my daily bread-and-butter. Even now I’m choosing to turn a blind eye on my excesses and laziness, consoling myself that all will be fine in the end because I am superb at mugging and cramming and I will get that A regardless and everybody else is a slacker anyway compared to me.

Once upon a time it was true. Not now any more, I think.

It really bothers me, being at odds with my own self image and the desired person I want to be. It echoes with what many have been telling me. And I needed to come whine in this little corner or I’d puke, so repugnant have I found myself to be.

Motivational cliches tell me today is the start of the rest of my life and I should put down the burden of my past. I’ve been dancing with the theme of redemption lately, too.

Time to put that self-loathing-powered demon to good use.

Let’s try again.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

your mind makes it real

today is the start of the rest of my life.

instead of flurrying around, panicking, I will make a plan and stick to it, hell and high water be damned. 

worrying is a rocking chair going nowhere. I will do half-and-half, study and fyp.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

tell me, what is your greatest weakness

Hello, Intrepid Interviewers and Employer Potentiates. You’ve Googled my name and found this blog – hello! There are 61,000 or so results, but it’s the right name, if not the right person.

A little explanation in order — some time ago, I took a module where the professor encouraged weekly blogging. Given the excuse to write and one confirmed reader I wrote, mostly liveblogs of lectures, but found the exercise interesting. It made for a quiet place to pen thoughts on learning, life, difficulty, motivation, and work, everything I associate with that damnably tough module that really stretched me.

What can you deduce from this blog? I’m a bit of a smart-arse. I’m web (sort-of) savvy and think I know how to play the game. I obfuscate and am obtusely vague on blogs, having learnt from fairly young the importance of privacy and discretion. And I’m a bit of a grumpy-face.

Well, tough luck, you lot! Life is tough (based on the sort of company I apply for, you would know). I try to be a swan; calm on the surface, paddling like bloody fury underneath. I have insecurities and fears (many listed herein) like everybody else; I consider it important to work on them (hence my leaving the blog up, instead of leaving no evidence). Have a peek into the rich inner life of my secret struggles, and do leave a comment to arrange a second interview (or just for coffee; I headhunted before, it’s tough).

What is my greatest weakness? That professor could list seven, easy, many crowd-sourced as well. But appropriately here it is that I have an opinion, a viewpoint, things to say, and far from being injudicious or loose-lipped, but I will speak my mind. And now, what’s on my mind is an appropriate gag:

Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?

Young Man: Honesty.

Interviewer: I don’t think that’s a weaknes-

Young Man: Honestly, I don’t worry about what you think

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

a stoic analysis

it’s now 12:30 am. I stayed home from school today due to the back end of a cold and a terrible migraine. I’ve had four days to do this, and instead have read about five papers out of an expected 20.

I am procrastinating, actively.

Stoicism teaches…well, anyway, some dude off reddit advised tracing branch-and-root causes of anxiety and negativity leading to depression and procrastination.

It’s really simple: I’m afraid of reading.

I love reading. But there’s this constant haze over my head: you have not read enough, you have not read enough, you will not read enough. I love reading; I just hate this feeling that I won’t be able to find what I’m looking for. I haven’t been able to find what I’m looking for, it’s not easy. And that’s why I need to read 20 (really, more like 200). And that’s why I’m uncomfortable, and procrastinating, because I’m afraid I’ll read 200 and not get any information.

this is another step in procrastination. TBC.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment